February Made Me Shiver

by Jen on March 14, 2010

in Blogging about Blogging,Rant of the Week

Just the other day, I tweeted this:

I am so over winter. Seriously. I  mean, we bought a snow plow.

We. Bought. A. Snow. Plow.

Everyone I know is so cabin-feverish that we’re like zombies.  I feel like I’ve lost the will to do anything.  Ugh.

I am so burned out. Not just from the weather, but also at work. This has been such an intensely busy year in my new position that the feeling of mental exhaustion it induces overwhelms every aspect of my life. I’ve been telling myself that I just need to soldier through this school year and next year it will be a little easier, since I can improve upon the foundation that I’m building now.  Nothing is as exhausting as starting from scratch. Until I found out about some curriculum changes in the works and realized I will essentially have to trash everything and reinvent the wheel. Again. Bye-bye, dream of free time.  I’m staring down another year of feeling overworked and isolated.

Last week I found out that BlogHer was almost sold out and even though last year I swore I would go this year, I still didn’t buy a ticket.  I want to go to BlogHer, but I don’t want to go to BlogHer. I’m intimidated by the thought of going alone to a conference in a city where I’ve never been before (the conference and the city, both). I’d love to make more concrete connections with the blogging community, but I also question whether I really belong at BlogHer.  I don’t have a mission or a message.  I’m not trying to make any money from blogging.  I don’t have one specific cause I champion (although I do have a lot of strong opinions). When I say “I blog for myself” I really do mean it, but I admit that I also blog to feel connected. Lack of time these days has created for me a strong feeling of disconnect. My existential crisis is trying to figure where exactly I fit in the blogosphere.  I love blogging (both reading and writing), but I just don’t seem to be able to make time to for it these days. I need blogging, but I don’t have the energy to want blogging right now. (Does that even make sense?)

I had just about decided to woman-up and buy a ticket and just figure out the details later (Like, does anyone ever go to BlogHer without a roommate? Because it seems like everyone talks about roomies and since I wouldn’t have one, I’d feel a little like a friendless dateless wallflower), when I learned it is officially sold out.  There is a wait list, but… again… I don’t know.

I need warmth and human connection but all I can do is hunker down and wait it all out.  Summer is the big, bright light at the end of my dark tunnel for so many reasons, but right now it seems very small and far away.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 jen March 15, 2010 at 1:28 pm

I think that pretty much sums up where I am at with blogging too. I thought about going to BlogHer but then I thought about why I would actually be going and I couldn’t answer the question. The decision to not go this year was easy because it coincided with family vacation. When they announce next years, I’m going to see if the weekend works and if it does, I’m totally going to email you and ask you if you are going and then we could be roommates and feel like friendless dateless wallflowers together!

Spring has officially started here and I hope it does there for you soon because I feel so. much. better. about everything now that it is nice out.
jen´s last blog ..littering My ComLuv Profile

2 Jenni March 15, 2010 at 4:07 pm

This will be my first year and I’m really looking forward to it. There are some really fun looking writing workshops, and of course meeting all my blog friends.

If you do the wait list and get a ticket, let me know. I think I know of an open space in a room.
Jenni´s last blog ..Sad My ComLuv Profile

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