Mother Nature, you old bitch… you got me again.

by Jen on January 30, 2009

in Rant of the Week

I’m so over winter.

This morning our school did not delay, although the weather was iffy. I don’t work in the district in which live and the districts that surround my house all had two-hour delays. There were a couple of inches of snow at our house, so as he must on snowy days, the Hubster spent a pre-dawn hour clearing our driveway — actually a long, unpaved, private road that is sort of a cross between San Francisco’s Lombard Street and Khyber Pass.

By the time we left for work/school it had stopped snowing. The Hubster took the kids to daycare (he usually does since it’s closer to where he works). As I turned from our driveway onto the main road, although it was a little snowy, it didn’t seem bad.

This is where the ominous music should kick in.

Not half a mile down the road from our house, I almost completely lost control of my car, a Ford Escape. Was it frozen slush? The legendary black ice? Whatever it was, it was bad luck. Thankfully, I wasn’t going very fast. Also, I have the skills of a NASCAR driver, if I say so myself. If it wasn’t for the oncoming car, I think I would’ve been able to keep mine on the road. As it was, I did a series of vigorous loops and whirls — sort of like a two-ton ballerina — and in an effort to keep from slamming directly into the other car, aimed mine for the berm* the best I could. My neighborhood is semi-rural in nature, with enormous front yards and houses set far back from the road so this was the safest bet. I bumped over the edge and down an embankment, still spinning, and decorated the lawn of a neighbor’s house with one of those pieces of performance art they like to do at Daytona.

When I rocked to a stop — and do you know the oncoming car, having seen this all happen, barely slowed down and absolutely did not stop to see if I was okay — I put it in four wheel drive, climbed back up the drop-off I had just skidded down and, as Charlie Daniels once put it, “limped on down the shoulder on the rim.” Or rims, as it were. The two driver’s side tires were f. l. a. t.

Unbelievably enough, three hours later I was safely at work. The Hubster had been my pit crew and it turned out the tires had merely popped their beads and didn’t need to be replaced. By every facet of the experience, I was amazingly lucky.

But please please please can this winter be over now?

*It just occurred to me that the way I use this term might be a colloquialism. Apparently, it is. Wikipedia informs me that “In Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana and West Virginia, the word “berm” refers to the shoulder of a highway.” Okay, then. Shoulder.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Ragtop Day January 31, 2009 at 10:17 am

I am with you – I was over winter before it even started. Anytime now!!Even though we use “shoulder” here in New England (or even just “side of the road”), I knew just what you meant when you said berm. I love learning about the different uses of language in various regions – I find it fascinating!

2 Jenni January 31, 2009 at 1:27 pm

holy crap! i’m glad you’re okay!

3 Valerie February 2, 2009 at 7:12 pm

Holy crap I am glad you are okay!

Leave a Comment

You can use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv Enabled

Previous post:

Next post: