No News is Good News

by Jen on September 14, 2007

in Teenagers make it look so easy

There are a lot of cutesy acronyms and expression used on message boards for women trying to conceive. Baby dust, sticky vibes… I don’t know that I’ve ever used any of them. I stick to the acronyms that are merely practical: TTC (trying to conceive), CD (cycle day), DPO (days past ovulation), CBEFM (Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor). These save me time from having to write out the long words. Practical.

In fact, one of the cutesy ones has never made sense to me: PUPO. Pregnant until proven otherwise. It just seemed like the height of denial to think that way. Women would use that expression and I’d put them in the same category as women who analyze possible pregnancy symptoms at 2 DPO. That’s a nice fantasy world you live in, Darlin’. (Or, as Fraser Crane once asked of Cliff Claven, “I wonder… what color is the sky in your world, Cliff?”). I just couldn’t understand that kind of thinking.

Until this cycle. In every medicated cycle, because I take progesterone, I have to test at some point. Because if I’m not pregnant, I have to stop the progesterone so I can get my period and be on to the next cycle. So for my first three cycles of Clomid, I’ve tested. Every month my doctor has sent me for a progesterone check and quantitative hCG. I’ve also tested at home first, though. Based on the fact that somehow there are a lot of crazy women on my message boards that get positives at 8 and 9 DPO, I’ve started testing at 8 or 9 DPO. And I’ve tested every day (sometimes twice a day, I’m embarassed to admit) up through day 13, 14, and sometimes 15, through when I stopped progesterone and my period eventually came.

This month I don’t want to test. Last month my doctor’s secretary forgot to send me the prescription for my bloodwork, so I called and she told me I could pick on up on my way to the lab. This month again, I again have no prescription, but I didn’t call to ask for one. And I’m not yet going to take a home pregnancy test. I don’t want to face stark white negative after negative. I want to live with the illusion that maybe, it’s possible, it could be that this time it worked. If I don’t test, I have nothing to contradict that assumption. I’m pregnant until proven otherwise.

So I finally understand what those women are talking about. Just like me, they realize that there are only a few days each cycle when hope is alive. There are only a few peaceful days when I’m not taking a medication, or testing and waiting for ovulation, or scheduling reproductive sex, or taking pregnancy tests. It’s nice to treasure those days, preserve it for as long as possible.

Today I am 9 DPO. I am going to try to resist testing until Monday morning, when I’ll be 12 DPO. By that time I can be fairly certain of whatever result I get. If it’s negative, I’ll test again at 13 DPO and then stop my progesterone. And be on to the next cycle.

I also (finally!) called today and made an appointment with the RE for October 9.

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